A lesson in getting your wing chun stance really wrong: ring any bells?

For some wing chun people reading this, you have probably had an extensive education in this already. In fact I will in all likelyhood be teaching you to suck eggs, so if that is the case just jog on and do something else. But if you really want to mess up your wing chun training, make the art look like a joke, here are some key tips to wreck your posture and give you irreparable spinal damage (enjoy):

1. Grip the floor, really tense up your feet like a bird perched on a branch in the wind. This will send tension straight through your body.

2. Clamp you thighs really tight, lock you pelvis muscles so if anyone pushes you then you will fall over.

3. Lean backwards, arch your spine and stick your crotch out. No need to worry about lower back pain for the rest of your life or exposing your groin to kicks. Also the beauty of this is if you bend backward when you punch your mass will be transmitting in the wrong direction.

4. Pull back those shoulders, really pull them back and wing your scapula like an eagle about to take off.

5. Relax, but not in an active way. Just slump like a teenager.

6. Practice your form in front of the tv, play computer games but at no point scan your body of tension or pay it any attention. The mind and body should be kept separate.

7. Let your head loll back so the weight of it can compress your spine.

8. Keep your standing and Sil Lim Tao practice to a minimum. It is just a chore to keep beginners busy whilst others get to show off by doing chi sau.

9. Above all, imagine yourself rooted to the centre of the earth, immovable and fixed.

Some sifus already teach this way, others will just lead by example. Whatever you do, do not question your sifu; people who you pay money always know best!